The Escalator

I haven’t written in a long time you guys. My bad! I guess I go through phases, but I really need to dedicate myself. Maybe once I get more followers that will motivate me to consistently write. Anyway, I wanted to update you on my life and where I am right now. I only have a few posts on here and I went back and read them quickly. I had forgotten the one about the guy who was rude to me. Man did that bring up some feelings again.

Anyway, the title for this post pretty much explains me right now. I feel like I am on an escalator going the wrong way. I was feeling pretty good with things, felt like I was going up the escalator…however now I feel that I am stuck or going down.

Let me explain myself… So I am starting to feel stuck in my life again. I felt like this a few months ago. I have a good job with good benefits, but it is tiring for me. It is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. So I am at that point where I don’t know what I want to do again. If I were to leave my job, what would I do? What do I like? I have a Bachelor’s degree so I feel I should do something somewhat higher up and not just working at a restaurant or something like that. On top of that, my dating life is still non-existent. Yup. My last date I think was probably back in June or July of 2017. So it has been a good 6 or 7 months since my last date. Let me tell you, it does not help with your self esteem. I am kind of used to it since this has pretty much been my whole dating experience, but it still sucks haha.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love” -Dr. Seuss

I’m trying to be more positive about stuff, but sometimes it is just too hard. I haven’t been doing good with my weight loss recently. I have kinda stopped watching my points (I was doing Weight Watchers)…so that is another thing I am “sad” about. I don’t even know how to explain what I am feeling haha.

Life is just hard. There are so many emotions and so many things that happen in life. I am trying to find the balance of not worrying about dating, and also putting myself out there. But I find that if I don’t worry about it, nothing gets done and nothing happens which results in upsetting feelings. But I also find that when I put myself out there…nothing also happens and I’m upset. So I feel like I want to just give up on boys for good, but then I feel like no I can’t because something may happen sometime soon. I honestly hate dating. I think if I found someone to actually be my BF it would be fine. But it is finding that someone that is seriously the most crazy and ridiculous thing.

I know I need to just step up and live life to the fullest and make every day amazing, even if the things I want don’t happen. Do any of you ever feel stuck? How did you get yourself unstuck?

“Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting so get on your way” -Dr. Seuss


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